Help
Sign In
adoption
November 2009 
Adopted (plz comment)
Posted on Apr 28th, 2009
by 
Harley Quinn
Harley Quinn
After 19 years apart, I have finally reached the point in my life where I want to contact my biological parents. My parents (I will always refer to my adoptive parents as "my parents) were always very open about discussing my adoption, even reading me children's books about it on each anniversary of the day I came to live with them. I have an older brother, by 5 years, who was also adopted but from a different family. We were both adopted at about 6 months old so neither of us have any memory of our former lives.
Years passed and I matured, coming to understand the depth of my past bit by bit. I began to ask more questions about my birthparents. I found out that my bio-mother left a knitted sweater and bonnet and my bio-dad had left me his guitar. I had always thought that guitar was my Dad's since he played it a few times and kept it in his office. I looked inside the little compartment and found a picture of a boy in a red sox baseball uniform, wearing Converse high tops in classic black. He looked a lot like me and eventually it hit me....
Another time, soon after, I became even more curious and went thruogh some files. I found out a little bit more about my bio-mom's side of the family and their health problems. In the same folder I found a letter from my bio-dad to me. It was three pages, handwritten. It sounded very heartfelt and it made me feel an emotion I wasn't quite sure of.
Now that I am a legal adult and somewhat settled down for a while in college, I have increased my efforts to find my biological parents and speak with them. For a while the adoption agency didn't have much of a lead, but just yesterday I got a call back from them with the name, email, and phone number of my bio-mom.
I have no idea what to do. Obviously, the first attempt to communicate would be taken through email, but I can't think of what to say... I don't know whether to make it short and to the point, or a life story......
What do I do?
Years passed and I matured, coming to understand the depth of my past bit by bit. I began to ask more questions about my birthparents. I found out that my bio-mother left a knitted sweater and bonnet and my bio-dad had left me his guitar. I had always thought that guitar was my Dad's since he played it a few times and kept it in his office. I looked inside the little compartment and found a picture of a boy in a red sox baseball uniform, wearing Converse high tops in classic black. He looked a lot like me and eventually it hit me....
Another time, soon after, I became even more curious and went thruogh some files. I found out a little bit more about my bio-mom's side of the family and their health problems. In the same folder I found a letter from my bio-dad to me. It was three pages, handwritten. It sounded very heartfelt and it made me feel an emotion I wasn't quite sure of.
Now that I am a legal adult and somewhat settled down for a while in college, I have increased my efforts to find my biological parents and speak with them. For a while the adoption agency didn't have much of a lead, but just yesterday I got a call back from them with the name, email, and phone number of my bio-mom.
I have no idea what to do. Obviously, the first attempt to communicate would be taken through email, but I can't think of what to say... I don't know whether to make it short and to the point, or a life story......
What do I do?
Access: Public
Oh my goodness, Elise. I get flutters in my stomach just reading this.
My recommendation would be to listen to your heart, and to write–a lot. Write as many letters as you need. Write long ones and short ones and ones that reveal much and once that are more opaque. Write and write and write. And when you're done writing, when you can write no more, then, and only then, sit down and write the one you'll actually send.
But what am I saying? Perhaps you've already written countless letters. And in that case, just write to tell her that, and to say that you don't know what to say. I'm sure both your hearts will guide you.
Hugs, though, and good luck. I'll be sending love.